“Its seems to me now that the qualities they had to have to do this job so beautifully – so that I have two unspoiled children – and, so that I always felt free and unhindered myself, are really the most exceptional qualities…they needed tact, adaptability, kindness, toughness, quick wittedness, more than any other members of the Secret Service. And every one of them had it.”

This is an excerpt from the recommendation letter Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy left for the Secret Service that tended to their children, before Mrs. Kennedy left the White House – and was recounted by Clint Hill – Special Agent, US Secret Service – who was in charge for Mrs. Kennedy’s protection at all times.
Hill recalls his journey as Special Agent to Jackie Kennedy in his book, Mrs. Kennedy And Me, which I highly recommend. This book gives us a glimpse into Jackie’s life as a global socialite, caring mother, strategic relationship-builder, art and history enthusiast, and supportive wife. It’s heartfelt, tender, sincere, and is an example of a woman who – despite living a very public life – was able to carry herself with dignity, integrity, and graceful purpose.

She was a fascinating person to learn about because though she gave the impression of being docile, she very much knew what she wanted from life. Hill recounts most of Mrs. Kennedy’s travels as being set up at the last minute – mostly due to the Secret Service learning about them from Mrs. Kennedy only days prior. She was charming, friendly, and playful, and yet determined, tenacious, focused.

What intrigued me most about Mrs. Kennedy was that she was secure enough to live life on her own terms. She did not wait for people to validate her, agree with her, and approve of her. Simultaneously, she knew how to bow out of the conversation because she recognized, early on, the futility of confrontation and arguments. She just let others live their lives, while focusing on preserving her hopes, dreams, and wishes.

This rock solid focus on her well-being is especially awe-inspiring because of the public life she was cast into, despite being part of an upper echelon of society that typically shuns such limelight. There was no need for her to seek the kind of attention the media gave her because she lived a life of ample privilege, and was part of an ancestral heritage that was well-aware of the fabulousness of life’s offerings. Yet, she supported her husband while he campaigned to become President of the United States (which, by the way, he did by using their personal plane, The Caroline).

She made being a woman who fulfills her duties as a wife and mother – but also duties to herself as an avid reader, globetrotter, and seeker – look easy and graceful, and it’s inspiring. Especially because too often, we as women let go our well-being – whether it’s reading, writing, or giving ourselves well-deserved “me” time – slowly, our needs start to take a backseat due to our ever-growing daily checklist of chores and obligations.

Contrast this to Katharine Graham on The Post. Wonderfully played by Meryl Streep, Katharine is a timid, nervous, and precocious woman who yields a massive amount of power due to her role as publisher of The Washington Post. Throughout the movie, we see a fragile woman ask for permission time and time again from men in both her professional and personal capacity. Though most of the men answer to her, her lack of acknowledgement regarding the personal power she has allows others to overrule her.

When I saw The Post, I saw a middle-aged woman’s soulful eyes pleading for acknowledgement. It was painful to watch, and the added backstory to her character – that a) her father passed down the business to her husband, and not her, upon his demise and that b) she gained ownership after her husband commit suicide – made it all the more important for me to realize the important role self-acknowledgement plays in our lives.

Whether its friends, family, spouse, or children – these people are all a rewarding, amazing, and beautiful part of our lives. But no matter how close and intimate the relationship is, no one spends as much time with us as we do with ourselves.

Doubt, insecurity, and timid seeking of validation are characteristics that do not depend on age – people of all walks of life can be unsure of themselves and these traits don’t automatically disappear with age. These traits must be worked through so that we can feel whole, strong, and complete in our own regard.

That’s why when I met Stacey Li, a colleague at work, her communicative style was a bit alarming. New to the organization, her statements ended with an upward inflection, which made even statements sound like questions – giving off the impression that she wasn’t quite what she was talking about. She had a strong work ethic – always the first people in the office – and was a collaborate team player, but her energy was unsure, careful, and terrified of “rocking the boat.”

We need to deliberately own our beings – our flaws, our assets, our good days and bad – in order to free ourselves from seeking validation. Because let me tell you, based on my read of these three women – Jackie Kennedy, Katharine Graham, and Stacey Li – the world and its spectators won’t give me the time of day unless I stand in my own grounded, self-assured light of wholeness.

These women taught me that validation, love, wholesomeness, and security is MINE for the taking. After all, what am I waiting for? Who am I waiting for? Who else can set me free, but me?