The Universe works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, it literally kicks one off her current life track in order to set a new path afoot – like it did with me. I recently left the organization I worked 5 years for, and it wasn’t easy. Without realizing it, I had become attached to the place and also to my identify in relation to it. I believed that if you keep your head low and hustled, things will work out. Sometimes though, they don’t – and instead of focusing on the why and backing ourselves into a tiny corner, the Universe plays a bigger game by breaking us free so that we can recharge and start anew.

As the dust settles and I spend time relaxing, meditating, and reflecting, here are a few lessons I learned along the way:

1. Know your worth

This world is full of people that will bring you down, discourage you, and break you. You must get back up though. When our work isn’t acknowledged in a toxic work environment, confidence can take a dive. The solution is to identify the change and work to repair it.

As Rocky Balboa put it:

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” (Rocky Balboa)

2. You can’t make everyone happy

It’s hard for a person who values relationships to not want to make everyone happy. There may be more to this concept than what meets the eye, though. Beneath the initial desire to make everyone happy, is there a desire to want to be liked and validated by everyone – which drives this behavior? And if so, is anyone else’s happiness more important than your happiness? In other words, would you rather fret over making a decision that makes all but you happy, or confidently make a decision that makes most happy – especially you?

Self-domestication plays a large part in explaining why we act the way we do. In his book The Mastery of Self, Native American Toltec Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. shares that people use rewards and punishments in social interactions in order to get people to act in certain, controlled and amenable ways. Domestication is the system of rewarding those who do something “right” (i.e. a mother rewards her child with dessert for finishing his meal), and punish those who do something “wrong” (i.e. mother punishes her child by withholding dessert for not finishing his meal). Since humans like being rewarded because it generates feelings of love, acceptance, and validation, we begin to subconsciously seek out behavior that will generate these feelings.

There comes a time when we don’t even need an external force explaining the rewards/punishment system anymore (as was the case with the child) – our inner, parasitic, negative, critique starts playing that role. That’s when we begin to self-domesticate – we begin to put conditions on ourselves in order to keep experiencing that “high” of validation instead of asking ourselves whether we want to partake in the action, as opposed to following the course that will reward us socially. This type of conditioning has deep psychological and far reaching roots, since we are subjected early in life and thus wired us to seek the pleasure of being rewarded. With awareness and reflection, it’s possible to identify these toxic internal behaviors and set ourselves free.

Which brings me to my next learning…

3. Always keep yourself front, center, and grounded

Always keep a pulse on yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up in pleasing people that we unknowingly disconnect from ourselves. This is huge disservice to not only you, but to the value you bring to the conversation and/or situation at hand. You are worthy – always remember that. Your worth is an intrinsic part of you, and has nothing to do with the amount of money you bring, the car your drive, the assets you own, and the position you hold.

4. We are part of a collective – and there’s a place for you in the Universe

In his impactful book Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership, Joseph Jaworski shares his understanding of an interconnected Universe and how we are part of a grand whole. He first starts off by laying the premise that the way we understand the Universe must shift from “images of a clockwork, machine-like universe that is fixed and determined to the model of the universe that is open, dynamic, interconnected and full of living qualities.” He goes on to explain:

“The physicist Henry Stapp describes elementary particles as, in essence, a set of relationships that reach outward to other things. The management theorist Margaret Wheatley writes that particles come into being ephemerally through interaction with other energy sources. We give names to each of these sources – neutrons, electrons, and so on – but they are intermediate states in a network of interactions. Once we see relationship as the organizing principle of the universe, we begin to accept one another as legitimate human beings.” (Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership)

Once we expand our range of understanding to account for a vast, holistic, relationship-based Universe, we’ll enter a space where seemingly accidental happenings occur, that are actually full of meaning, purpose, and untapped potential:

“Arthur Koestler paraphrasing Jung, defines synchronicity as the seemingly accidental meeting of two unrelated causal chains in a coincidental event that appears both highly improbable and highly significant. The people who come to you are the very people you need in relation to your commitment. Doors open, a sense of flow develops and you find you are acting in a coherent field of people who may not even be aware of one another. You are not acting individually any longer, but out of the unfolding generative order.

This is the unbroken wholeness of the implicate order, out of which seemingly discreet events take place. At this point, your life becomes a series of predictable miracles. When we stand in this fundamentally open and interconnected state of being, we are like the Samurai warrior … waiting expectantly with acute awareness for that cubic centimeter of chance to present itself.” (Synchronicity: The Inner Path of Leadership)

5. Speak from a place of wholeness

Since we are part of a Universe that is dynamic and all-encompassing, we are all whole in our being. Each of us has a valuable part to play in this life, and we bring our greatest asset to the table – ourselves. We are whole, complete, and created the way we were supposed to be utilized in the world.

6. Bottom line with confidence

Stand for what you believe in and say your piece in a confident, succinct manner. Life is not what you learn about in the classroom, where professors teach you that each paragraph needs to fully explain one argument that you’re making –  the formula being: first sentence summarizes your point, with the following four sentences  proving evidence of your summary.

Life doesn’t work that way. In the practical world, too much convincing and explaining actually ends up inundating the audience with too much information, and they aren’t quite sure what to do with it. The argument comes across as disorganized, haphazard, and the power dynamic sways in favor of the audience – who is the one that needs to “be convinced.”  In order to keep communication clear, direct, respectful and succinct, practice the 7 C’s of business communication, taken from here:

1. Clear
2. Concise
3. Concrete
4. Correct
5. Coherent
6. Complete
7. Courteous

7. You are way more than your job

Even the most humble person can’t help but smile upon their worldly accomplishments, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We are more than our jobs and accomplishments, though. Our accomplishments are milestones we achieve, and a job is an opportunity for financial stability and professional growth – nothing more, nothing less. If we let external factors influence how we operate as a person, we’ll be left lost and hollow once they’re gone. Again, we are worthy, whole contributors in this Universe, and we don’t need a dollar amount to demonstrate our contributions.

8. Have faith

Adyashanti, an American spiritual teacher based in the San Francisco Bay Area, once said:

“Enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It’s seeing through the facade of pretense. It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.”

Having faith is knowing that things crumble toward betterment, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Change is a necessary and constant part of life, and it can be daunting. Ultimately, it brings us to spiritual forks in our road and gives us a chance to grow and become better, stronger, courageous, free-spirited versions of ourselves. Keeping faith is knowing in every bone in our body that life we are a part of a dynamic, wholesome, grand process that is constantly working itself out. Trust the process and where it takes you.