Earlier this week I was preparing breakfast when I accidentally threw out half an apple. I was cutting up a delicious mix of strawberries, bananas, and apples to add into my chia and nut pudding, and as the cutting board filled up with scraps of strawberry tops and banana peels, I distractedly threw out a perfectly eatable apple. It dawned on me a few minutes later, when I mechanically reached out for a Ziploc in which to pack leftover fruit, but found none.

This simple act had a profound effect on me because I realized how deeply I had been on autopilot, and out of present consciousness.

In Managing Transitions, William and Susan Bridges define transition as “an inner process through which people come to terms with a change, as they let go of how things used to be and reorient themselves to the way that things are now.” They further explain the mental and psychological changes that people will experience in order to fully process and ultimately embrace the transition – which is not a synonym for change. Change is the event that is differing itself – transition is the process by which people come to terms with the difference in order to evolve and adapt.

There is 3 parts to the transition that involves people psychologically re-wiring themselves to come to terms with a change:

1. Phase 1, called Ending, Losing Letting Go: during this phase, people stop doing what they are used to doing, and deal with the emotion of loss that accompanies this recognition of change.
2. Phase 2, called The Neutral Zone: which is when people feel emotionally vulnerable and raw, because they’ve stopped doing what they used to, but aren’t quite comfortable with the new change yet. There’s emotional bewilderment in this phase, when people are working things out and re-patterning and reorienting themselves to make room for the new change.
3. Phase 3, called The New Beginning: This is when people have accepted and internalized the transition.

Though this book is about organizational development, there are parallels one can draw between the life-cycle and change management of an organization, and of an individual – such as how we can cope with transitions in our lives. We too feel a sense of loss, bewilderment and confusion when life hands us a change we weren’t ready for. Ultimately it’s up to us to either embrace it and move forward, or stay stuck and locked in what used to be.

As I manage my personal transition during this time between jobs, I’ve realized there are several aspects of my learnings that I’d like to work on. In my last post I shared the lessons I learned from my previous work experience. Now, I’d like to focus on things I’m working on to better myself.

As in all situations of life, experiences that are tough can inspire the most personal growth. It is up to us to define the narrative of our experience in order to extract the marrow of its meaning and retain that which we seek to gain from the experience. There are also times when we realize that the experience has left us exhausted, disappointed, jaded, and maybe with new, temporary, coping mechanisms that must be re-calibrated. Here are a few things to focus on improving, in order to ensure we take only that which will help us learn positively from the experience:

1. Learn how to concentrate
2. Be present
3. Be good listener – of all things and people
4. Settle in – own your space
5. Communicate concisely – bottom line with confidence

The best way to live our lives to the fullest is my experiencing each moment to its fullest – which is essentially, being extremely present. How many times do you drive from one place to another only to not remember actually driving yourself there? Or walking from one room to another only to forget what you came in to get?

The human mind has a mind of its own and engages us in past and future thoughts all the time. These engagement take us away from who we are now, and what is literally right in front of us by keeping us mentally preoccupied. Sometimes, these thoughts invoke excitement – sometimes anxiety, which we end up bringing to our present moment. But here’s the thing – none of those thoughts are real. They are either leftover remnants of a past experience, or an apprehension about something that hasn’t happened yet (and may never happen). So instead of thinking about it and willing it into experience, practice planting yourself deeply in every moment of your life in order to live deliberately, with focus and thoughtfulness. This way, you won’t waste key resources that are surrounding you – whether it be energy to focus, or food to eat 😉

All we have is the present moment.