“She should be playing ‘I Will Survive!” she shrieked, as she smiled and whisked around me hurriedly, music blaring in the background. 

She had no idea.

This lady – who I will call Lady At The Gym – was the first person I spoke to when I started taking cardio strength training class at the gym a few months ago. Short, fit, blonde haired with a rebellious streak of blue running through it, her eyes glistened. She was around 60, had a Russian accent and had an undeniable liveliness about her.

The she that she was referring to was the instructor, who had been playing Eye of the Tiger as we worked on our arms. 

Anyway, I had gone up to her on the first day as a newbie, asking for a bit of guidance. Specifically, what weights to load up on before class started. 

Initially, she was great. She answered my question and provided helpful information. 

But then she came back. And told me about the times and days that the class was offered. 

I smiled and thanked her.

Then she came back again. Told me that the class is hard but that I mustn’t stop coming. And to use cushioning under my knees (that I’ll thank her in thirty years).

I smiled and thanked her.

Then she came back a third time. At which point, she gave me a once over and made a remark on eating healthier, if one wants to be fit.

I smiled – but it was that frozen, I-can’t-believe-she-said-that-to-me kind of smile. My eyes had forgotten to blink. I pretended that I needed something and walked away.

Who is she to say that to me? Why do women have to pull other women down? Isn’t it obvious that I’m at the gym to take better care of my health?

My mind was reeling. I went from feeling excited to insecure, in a matter of seconds. 

–

“You opened the gate when you asked her for help.” 

Whatever.

That was what my friend said when I told him what happened.

“Nope.” I said, my tone defiant. 

“Asking for help on one topic does not entitle her to give me unsolicited advice on things I didn’t ask about. I don’t even know the woman!” I quipped.

“It’s not like she called you fat. It’s your interpretation of her actions that are making you react. Next time, why not just thank her, laugh it off and let it go? Think about it from her point of view. All she was doing was trying to help. Especially since you opened the gate and asked her for it.” 

Ugh.

He’s right. I’m bigger than this.

–

Why do we allow the opinions of others to affect us? I’ve realized that another person can only hurt me if I haven’t healed that part of myself. If I don’t already love the part of myself that is being attacked, I will react with anger, doubt and insecurity, instead of from an elevated place of confidence. 

If I haven’t done the inner work, what someone says will add to how I already feel about myself. 

And that’s exactly what happened this time.

The Lady At The Gym’s comment took me back to my childhood.

Growing up, I was a curvy kid. Heck, I remember my mother teaming up with invited guests as they made snide remarks about the food on my plate. I was barely a teenager at the time. 

My weight had always been a topic in my home. I was never thin and boney like my friends, and I didn’t have role models to tell me that I’m fine just the way I am.

So I grew up feeling conscious about my weight. 

I didn’t realize these narratives still lived in me, until this encounter happened. 

The Lady in the Gym may have made the comment, but with the “help” of my imagination and insecurities, her comments took on a life of their own. I found myself re-living moments from my childhood and feeling doubt, sadness and shame. 

Maybe her comment was meant to surface this insecurity so that I can turn and face it. 

It’s time for a new story to replace the old one – that of the successful, voluptuous, confident and sexy woman who loves every part of herself. 

–

Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us something, if only we’d let them.

Surrender to the process and appreciate wherever you are, and allow it to unfold the greatest, highest good.

–

Since then, I’ve seen the lady in class multiple times. 

Every time, I wave hello and flash her a heartfelt smile. 

I choose to remember the intent with which she helped me on my first day in class.

I choose to send her energy of love, gratitude and joy when I see her.

I choose to thank her for being a vehicle through which I found an old and painful narrative living within me. Now that this narrative has been released, I have more room to for joy, love and abundance. 

I choose to maneuver this situation with grace and realize that the big-picture reason she was placed on my path was to heal an old wound. 

–

All of us will go through life encountering people who bring up past wounds, insecurities and hurts. Our job is not to demonize them and focus on what’s “outside”, but to turn inward and tend to ourselves. 

Ask ourselves, what’s really bothering us?

Hint: it’s never what’s happening on the outside. 

–

Thanks to the Lady At The Gym, I’ve let go of an old narrative and am vibing higher.   

I’m grateful for this priceless gift.

And to think, she has no idea of the effect she’s had.